Before we get into the post, I would like to say that I’m in no way saying that you have to go on a dating fast or do precisely what I did to learn these things. After a bad breakup, God nudged me to take a break from dating to focus on Him, and I learned and matured in many ways. I pray that my experiences are encouraging. But now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the good stuff.
For six months, I went on a complete dating fast, where I abstained from talking to, befriending, and dating men. All of the time that I normally filled up with looking for love was now filled up with being with God and allowing Him to heal and mend the aching parts of my heart. With that being said, here are six things I learned.
1. Jesus is God
I had been praying to grow in intimacy with Jesus and to learn more about who He is. I understood Jesus to be Savior, but I didn’t know or understand Him as Lord. So, I began talking to Him. I would tell Him how my day went, invite Him to come with me when I went to places, and I wrote to Him in my journal. And the more I did these things, the easier it became to acknowledge and talk to Him.
In the midst of a friend of mine showing me an artificial intelligence (AI) program that generated different photographs based on writing prompts, Jesus revealed Himself in a miraculous way. I asked my friend to tell the AI to generate a photo of Jesus on the cross, and the result was mesmerizing. As I revered the image, Jesus confirmed to me that He is, in fact, God. And at that moment, there was a shift. A shift in my understanding and acceptance of Jesus to be my Lord. And it didn’t stop there. When I read my Bible and read Jesus’ words, He showed me there too. Jesus uses many “I Am” statements, first used by God our Father in Exodus 3:14. Additionally, as no one has ever seen God’s face, no one has ever seen Jesus’ face either. These are a few of the ways Jesus began to reveal Himself as God.
2. I didn’t need my ex-boyfriend to feel okay
I wrestled with feelings of still loving my ex for a while, but when I accepted that those feelings were still there, I felt free. I understood that it was okay to still love and care about him — because that’s what Jesus calls us to do anyways— but I didn’t need him to feel okay. I also accepted that while I still loved him, how I loved him would look different and as I shifted those feelings onto Jesus, He filled the places in my heart where my ex once resided.
3. Suffering produces a softer heart
After our breakup, I went through a brief period of isolation that was dispiriting yet enlightening. God had stripped me of everything and everyone I knew. Being alone for that brief period gave me greater compassion for people because I knew what it was like not to have anyone. Isolation opened my eyes and heart to others who were hurting and encouraged me to help. Isolation also helped me cherish the relationships I’d already had and the relationships that God brought into my life later on. God showed me that because I had focused so much on the guy I was with, I neglected many friendships and familial relationships. And now, I know that the people God removed cannot compare to those He blessed and had already blessed me with. I now know that I have friends and family who will encourage me, pray for me and love on me.
4. The value of community
Prior to beginning this fast, I was used to being independent. I had a mentality of doing everything on my own and not asking for help. Being on this fast, however, taught me why community is important. Community lifts us up in times of need and it was community that poured into me and spoke life into me while my heart was broken. Community is also a vital aspect of being a Christian because people keep us accountable and speak wisdom to us. I also believe that community is a Biblical commandment as God prioritizes and values the body of Christ, also known as the church.
Less than a month after my breakup, a friend invited me to a worship night where myself and other believers sang songs of praise and reverence to God. In the midst of worshipping, I heard a voice say, “kill yourself” which clearly came from satan. I immediately felt heavy in spirit and extremely sorrowful, more than I already was. Within seconds, however, the voice went away, and I felt lighter (I strongly believe that Jesus snatched satan up). And I know for certain that the voice went away because I was surrounded by community. Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:20, where two or more are gathered in His name, He is with them. In other words, we are stronger together.
5. How to be alone
I had nothing but time because I wasn’t filling my time with another person. And being without another person pushed me to draw nearer to God because I had nowhere else to go. I was still looking for love, but I wanted to find it in the right place this time. Fasting allowed me to grow in intimacy with God. If it weren’t for God, I probably would have jumped into another relationship. I wasn’t fulfilled alone, so I looked for fulfillment in men. Although I hadn’t been in many relationships, I was always talking to a guy or on a dating app. I believed that once I found the person I was supposed to marry, every internal issue I was dealing with would disappear. I believed that my husband was the solution to my brokenness. Being alone pushed me out of my comfort zone. It prodded me to find new hobbies and encouraged me to prioritize spending time with God.
6. God wastes nothing
On the last day of this fast, I kept hearing the song “The Storm is Over Now” by Kirk Franklin, and I knew God was speaking to me. At times, being on this fast felt a lot like a storm because I went through so many emotions, even questioning why I still followed God. I had a lot of unanswered questions, pent up anger toward God and depressing moments, often questioning my will to live. Even though I was grieving, God used this fast to purge me, heal me and mold me. He developed an unrecognizable person who became stronger, wiser, more rooted in her faith and lighter in spirit.
Chronicles of a Believer 
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